Today I had work.  It wasn't exactly the best day at work, and I wouldn't call it bordering bad either.  In fact, in my opinion it was outright bad.  Now to some people, this might seem like nothing, a negative day that you'd swat by like a fly, but to me, it really struck a string and hurt me deeply.

I'll break it down to certain occurrences.  The most basic was that we had a cashier call in sick.  Usually, that'd be OK, no big deal.  But we are already walking on thin rope.  During the busiest of times, we only had 4+1 cashiers open, when usually we'd have 7 open.  It was a really tight squeeze, and I swear at times I wanted to just break down and cry.  I could feel my blood boiling and my blood pressure going up.

Second, today I there was a lady with a store voucher because of her carelessness in buying the wrong meat.  Alright, I can handle this; but the worst part was that I SAW her change the damn numbers on the voucher, just so she could get some free replacement meat!  She may have thought it was no big deal (1 cent), but to me, it was an example of a portal of spiraling cheating actions.  What about next time?  Maybe she'd add a One next to the biggest number, and then get an extra 10 bucks!  Seriously, what the fuck.  I explained to her that I saw what she did, and she'd better cough up another penny, but she denied it, playing dumb and not knowing what I was talking about, continuing to point at the fucking meat.  I bet she was playing the "I immigrant, no talk English."  I wanted to slap her then and there.  But I can't.  That'd cost me my job and a bad reputation.

A third occurrence, which is actually twice, but of which is the same scenario, is of forgotten groceries.  Can't they keep their stuff in check?!  Its bad enough that the store is busy and crowded with them, but what's worse is when they forget their groceries, a stupid grocery cart is in my way, I have to forcefully push anonymous' grocery cart and risk being complained at, just so I don't loose sight of the airhead and give back their groceries.  Do I always have to look at the till space, and nod you off in check with your bags?  Come on, I'd forgive you if you were pregnant or old enough to be suffering from dementia, but if you are not feeling well or "all there" that day, I'd suggest you take the day off and relax in the comfort of your home; it'd really save us the trouble and headache.

Fourth was something that happened that I didn't know until well after; when the customer came back and complained about me.  Ok, so I didn't wrap your fish; well you should have done that in the first place!  Its not my fault if you decide to just throw your groceries in the trunk without a care for how it will be sitting, or if you drive like a nut and your groceries fall everywhere around the car due to momentum.  Also, I can't read your mind for what actions you want me to do.  Some like their bags loose, some like them filled!  Some don't even want bags!  How the hell am I supposed to know!  Well, I am not going to know, unless you tell me with your mouth.  Communication my dear, please try not to space out when you're in front of me, for the well-being (in your standards) of your groceries lies in your alertness and decision making.

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I came home to explain my day with mom.  Only to find that she herself didn't find there was anything wrong with what happened.  What pains me most, is her turning a blind eye to the lady cheating the meat voucher.  Would she have done that herself?  It just makes me sick to know I live with someone of such low moral standards.

Often I really hate projects.  I won't say all the time, because currently I'm working at building a new computer system for my sister, selling her old parts, and it gives me joy to know its almost complete.  Also, the thought of rummaging through my dad's old "treasures" and selling them also excites me.  What I am cringing on about is projects assigned from school.

Ever since grade school, I've always hated them.  The ones where the teacher led the pace, and everyone went at the same time; those were fine.  But as soon as they decided to assign a topic and force us to study up on a certain topic; say perhaps planets and you have to do Neptune, that just bothers me because I tend to be a perfectionist.  It takes me long to do things I'm unfamiliar with, and because the perfecting part seems so daunting, I hardly ever want to even start the project. 

I also find that projects are basically another method that teachers use to extort you of your time and force you to work/learn something, while at the same time letting them relax or procrastinate on their own other plans.  Its useless really, because if he/she decides to test on the project material to the whole class, why not just let us read and study the material ourselves, instead of listening to some amateur lecturer half-ass teach the class!  Maybe it has something to do with my fear of working with strangers; as well as the fact that I am not being financially compensated for doing such (ie. not being paid).

I procrastinate, and procrastinate, until I realise (like now): OMFG THERE'S ONLY 12HRS LEFT!  You get the point.  I have a group meet-up and have to show them the COMPLETED work.  And thus, since I finally got this off my chest, I'm going to work like Thomas the steam engine, mindlessly saying "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..."

Thanks to Mr Raoul from grade 9, my whole life has been turned around and become bending over my back to try and be as pro-recycling and earth friendly as possible.  That includes the concept of diaries.  In the old days, diaries would be written in paper books, locked up with a lock on the book, making sure that nobody could access its contents; that is unless the contents were forced open by a blacksmith.  Nowadays, confidentiality is key, but also much easier to keep.

I myself keep a secret diary.  Contents that I deem are inappropriate or secrets that I wish to keep to myself are kept in that diary.  And relating to Mr Raoul from the previous paragraph, this diary is a file... which I bring everywhere with me not only for safe keeping reasons but also for peace of mind.  There are many times that days or even months go by without an entry into it.  But that's because I have no mood to write, or is too tired.

The few times that I do write, is either when I am overly elated over my new conquests in consumerism, strange dreams, deep wishes, or thoughts that keep bothering me day in day out (for some of you... you already know what this is).

Why did I even bother mentioning this online?  You may ask.  The reason is simply... I feel xanga is like a public documentation of my day to day life. However, my true nature is that of a very protective person.  There are often issues that I think of, and don't write down.  Perhaps when I do write something... Its a cry for help, a cry for self-reassurance or letting it out.  To be honest, I don't even know why I wrote this.  I guess I always wanted to tell everyone... that this blog is only half the story, but the other half will forever remain in the shadows.  Unless it is lost in an accidental format, or it's fallen into the wrong hands.

This morning was perhaps quite an odd morning.  I don't recall this happening before, but its just as likely that it has (and its been forgotten).  I never used to wake up with very bad headaches in the morning.  It wasn't exactly a sharp pain or anything, more so a groaning pain that wouldn't go away.

It was exactly 7:43am when I first opened my eyes; well barely, I was squinting at my phone.  I wasn't squinting just because I wanted a few more winks, but because I had this pounding headache roaring in my head.  Fast forward to 11am, I woke up again, but the headache wasn't going away.  Even with forty minutes of fresh air outside in the garden, it didn't go away.  Mom suggested going to eat something...

In the end, it did get better for maybe 20 minutes.  But as I am writing this, the headache seems to be slowly creeping back.  Either this was a blood sugar issue, or could this be a foreshadowing to something more serious?  It seems I've been getting a headache either every day, or every other day...

Class is starting in a few hours.  I've been continuously getting that giddy nervous feeling again...  The biggest thing I'm worrying about though, is the lack of hardcopy or even online course material to study from!  Everywhere I've looked (common spots), ie vista, bookstore listing, perhaps a ubc course website... I haven't found any source of course material.  Its getting me worried.